2023-12-26
This heart
Every morning i woke up to see her. From primary school to university. Tina, Agnes, Sarah, Lea, Melanie, and Christiane. They were all shining in their own ways. Had eyes like skies on clear days. I wasn't too visible to them. But they were the light when the world wasn't that bright.
They are all versions of my teacher from primary school, Ute Anger, born 1953. She was self-confident, mentally and physically. Sometimes i wonder what happened to her. Years after school, Tina told me once she was seeing her at the gym regularly. So maybe she is still around.
Esrin wasn't that visible to me. Only two decades later i understand that she had a crush on me. We lived on the same street in Ratingen. She had a twin sister, Nesrin, who got ill at some point and stopped looking almost identical. How can i tell she liked me? She was very offensive.
She made her dad take me, her and her sister to the department store, just to walk around, picking stuff up and hanging out. And she wrote in my book that i'm her best friend, with a heart sticker next to it. Basically an analog version of a heart emoji.
I googled her 25 years later, and she is smart, and attractive. She didn't move far away, working in Düsseldorf. She is probably not single, but i don't know. I'm happy for her. She wrote about me that i'm bold. I should have tried to contact her a long time ago.